Posted by: Genny Colby | August 17, 2012

Hindsight is 20/20

We said goodbye to my mother in law this past weekend.  It was a beautiful service, full of many wonderful stories about her life and her joys, especially of those about her most cherished role, that of mother.

She was a kind, loving, compassionate person who would do anything and everything for those she loved.  I feel lucky to count myself among those she loved.  As the reality of her death starts to settle in, I do have a few regrets of things we did not say, opportunities we did not take because we thought we had all the time in the world left to get to them.

*I regret not calling her more often.  Yes, we talked at least once a week, but I could have called more.

*I regret that we did not take the time to Skype chat with her so she could talk to my daughter, see how she was growing, have more of a connection to each other.

*I regret that we did not take her up on her offer to help us fund a trip to WI this spring.  It would have been challenging being 7 months pregnant I know, but I regret that we did not even try to make it happen.

*I regret not pushing her more to do her physical therapy, to get out of the house, and to work up to traveling.

*I regret not pushing the hubby to call her more often, instead letting him get by with knowing I had talked to her that day/week.

*I regret not sharing the name of our little boy with her.  Seems silly I know, but I would like to think she would be happy we used her family name.

*I regret that we may not have shown her how much we loved her, how important she was to our lives, and how much we valued her presence in our lives enough.

I don’t only have regrets though.  I am grateful for the time we did have to share.

*I am grateful for all the books we were able to share.

*I am grateful that she was always a resource for me when it came to questions about teaching, about being a mother, or how to handle the stubbornness that can be her son.

*I am grateful for her stories about growing up in the Middle East and introducing me to this part of the world and all the yummy food!

*I am grateful for all the times we spent playing games.  She continued to show us that winning was not what was important, but just to play the game and share time with one another.

I know where ever she is, she has a Diet Coke in one hand, a good book waiting, the company of those who have gone before her, and a smile as she watches over those she loves carry on in her memory.

The phoenix has special meaning to her and it feels fitting to continue to use this we raise from the ashes of her death to make our family stronger and brighter in her memory.

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