Posted by: Genny Colby | June 17, 2013

Identity

How do you define yourself?  Is it by your job?  Your hobbies?  Your interests?  Your history?  Your family?   Does it change over time?

I tend to define myself as a wife and mother first.  Then all the rest.  I realized recently that in some ways I see myself as “Genny before the move to Colorado” and “Genny after the move to Colorado”.

Moving can be great.  It gives you a chance redefine yourself.  Not really recreate, because I think that all those same things will be there, but to decide what are the important parts, what do you want people to know, at least at first.  Before we moved,  I was really comfortable with who I was, even if it was changing a bit by being a stay at home mom.  I had my routine, my favorite places to shop, all my service providers.  And I had my friends…who had known me, in most cases, for years.  Before kids.    There was a comfort to all of that.  It was nice to have people who knew you as something other than just “the mom”.   In some ways I will admit we were kind of “stuck in a rut” but it was’t, necessarily, a bad thing.  At least not all the time.

Then we moved.  And I do have to admit, it was the best choice for us, I don’t regret it for a minute.  If I had to do it all over, I would.  I wouldn’t even make many major changes to how we handled the move.  Moving did allow me to redefine myself.   Decide what of my own personal “emotional baggage”  I wanted to share with others.  But it is different and sometimes I find myself missing those that knew me “before”.  Those who I had relationships with before kids.  I don’t know, it sometimes makes me feel a little homesick.  Though I know that it would be different now, because we are all different.  I have been a stay a home mom for  4 1/2 years now, I have two kids, we are on the home-school path.  If we had stayed, I may not be the person I am now, and for the most part, I do like me now.  But there are times I don’t feel like I quite fit.  I don’t know why, maybe it is just me and my feelings about who I am now versus who I was before.  And maybe because I am still trying to figure out who I am NOW.  Who is this wife of 15+ years, home schooling, stay at home mom of two?

But today I feeling a bit homesick…for those that knew me and maybe a little bit for the person who knew who she was.

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