Posted by: Genny Colby | February 21, 2014

Truth Time

I called my blog “Musings of a Stay-at-Home-Mom” because that is what I thought defined me.  Being a stay at home mom.  And in many ways it does.  But it is also not really the whole picture.  I don’t want to get into the whole “SAHM vs Working Mom” debate because honestly…why is it even a debate?  Does it matter who has it easier or harder?  Is there even a way to compare?  Can you compare difficulties between various working parents?  I would find it challenging to do so.  You can’t even compare on SAHM to another because we are all different.  Who we were before kids, who we became after kids, who we are today are all different.  To compare, or judge, or hold others to your own personal standards is ridiculous.  So, I am not going to do it.

In all honesty, this has been a rough week.  I have really been struggling with what I see as my role.  And I finally and truly realized…I am just trying to do too much.  So, now I need to sit down and focus on what my priorities really are…for where my family is today, where I am today.  5 years ago,  you could walk into my house at any moment and the kitchen would be clean, the bathrooms sparkling, the laundry washed, folded and put away.  My to-read stack, while always large and being added to, was also always getting tackled.  My craft projects were not in a perpetual state of “I really need to work on that…”  Today, well, all those things have changed and I have to change my attitude about them.  I have two kids, who are home full-time, so the house is pretty much always in a state of chaos on some level.  Toys, books, crayons, art work can always be found (and often tripped over!).  Laundry is always clean…just not always folded and put away.  The bathrooms are clean, but maybe not sparkling.  The kitchen is now connected to our main living space, so clutter and life is continually filling the counters.  And I have to learn to be okay with this new norm.  And if you come to play or visit, then you do too!

I am so lucky to have an amazing and supportive husband who often looks at me and says..”you can’t do it all.  We agreed your primary job was to be home with our kids.  To make sure they were getting what they need, the experiences we want them to have, and that they get to be kids for as long as possible”.  He is not worried that the laundry is waiting to be put away, or that the counter is stacked high with the monkey’s latest drawings.   And if I don’t feel like cooking dinner…he is always willing to pick something up on the way home or take us out.  He does not see it as my failing to do my job.

But I still have this idea that I need to make everything perfect for everyone all the time.  When I tell the hubby this his response is always “but what’s perfect?”   I stress about not doing enough around the house, not baking things from scratch the way I used to, not getting all the projects I want to done, not spending enough time DOING something with the kids, not being as prepared or focused on anything the way I used to be, before kids.  And this week it really came to a head as my daughter and I butted heads during our school time (oh yeah, now I need to be sure to give her the most perfect home school experience possible!).  I just can’t do it all, I can’t be “supermom”, I can just be me.  I can and will make mistakes.  I can and will feel like just letting them stay in their jammies and snuggle on the couch watching Chuggington (my son’s new fave show..which luckily his sister enjoys as well).  Some days school time will be watching an ant crawl across the patio and baking cookies.   And all that is okay.  No, better than ok. All that is ME and I am doing the best I can on any given day.  I have to stop worrying about looking like “supermom” and just be “mom” because that will be pretty super all on its own.

I got some of the best advice when I was pregnant with my first child from a co-worker. She told me to remember that my daughter had never had a mom before, had nothing to compare to, knew nothing else so all I had to do was love my child, spend time with her and be the best mom I could be….and that would be perfect.  Sometimes I really need to stop and remember this…instead of getting caught up in what it seems the blog-o-sphere, social media, and pintrest deems to be a “supermom”.

So now I will figure out what my priorities are…what is important to ME and my family.  I am going to focus on those 5-7 things and when the rest gets done…well it gets done.   And it will all get done.  Maybe not as often, or to the same level of perfection as it used, but it will all eventually get done.  And if it doesn’t…well then maybe it was not so important anyway.  But I am going to take the worry and stress as much as I can out of the day and just ENJOY life and those around me.

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